Living Into Safety
trauma recovery + companionship in the night
It was a cruel reckoning, realizing I had been sexually assaulted. The robbing of personal dignity and the shame of violation marked me.
It wasn’t my fault. But it destroyed me.
Months afterward, I could hardly look other people in the eyes. The weight of post-traumatic stress manifested as hyper-vigilance, anxiety, and depression.
When I met my now husband three years later, the tension in my body began to relax. I was seen not as a set of curves. Not a prize to be plundered. I was human, “haunted and holy.”
The love of God met me in the kindness of his eyes.
In counseling, the first priority is to ensure the client is presently safe from harm––at the hands of others or even themselves.
Beyond that practical step, rebuilding after trauma is the slow act of living into safety. Our brains are designed to, quite literally, move into healing through the forging of neural pathways. Hope is embedded in our neurobiology.
Part of recovery is telling the truth, bravely naming the reality of evil as such. But now that I am truly safe, I fight to remind myself all the time. There are many means of remembering safety––practices like deep breathing, savoring beauty, and contemplative prayer.
Nothing has been more healing to me than the presence and care of others bearing witness in the night. Where the presence of an abuser brought harm, the presence of relational safety brings peace.
I have a partner who attunes to me with patience and kindness when I lash out in triggered fear. I am thankful for the compassion of my friend Jesus, and the friends and counselors who have shown me His love when I doubt it. And I’m floored that I get to walk with others in their journeys toward hope.
My name is not Forsaken. Brokenness doesn’t get the last word. Night gives way to newness.
“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts up my head.” (Ps. 3:3)
Hi Carissa :)
This is Marjorie's daughter - Leah, from San Diego :) My mom had shared your blog with me, and I'm the founder of a small online project that shares blogs with readers (and helps newbie bloggers more eyes on their content)
We had a challenge last week - and I chose your blog post here to drop into the challenge for some people to visit. If you see this in the next day or two, would you just let me know which comment spoke to your heart the most? We're having a little event and part of the surprise rewards go to the people who moved the authors the most! hehehe(they don't know that yet! LOL)
thanks so much! and - thank you for sharing your heart and pointing people to the beautiful love of Christ!! :)
You have gone through a lot and overcome so much. I can't even imagine all what you have gone through because I can see you went through a lot. I have a friend who was abused as a child, I know a little about how traumatic it can be.
Am happy you met Jesus and he as become your friend, am glad he gave you a man who loves and appreciates everything about you. Also grateful for the people around you but most of all am happy that you were able to fall in love with yourself and overcome the trauma. am sending you my prayers and 😍😍
I came here from dreemport